Women’s Fund hosted an event along with the Indianapolis Foundation on March 29th, 2025. At this event, attendees screened “What’s Left Behind?”, a moving documentary about Black mothers and families on the south side of Chicago fighting to survive and thrive after losing their children to gun violence. Afterwards, they were joined by a panel of experts and community members to discuss the film’s creation and the local and national impact of gun violence.
After hearing the experiences of Indianapolis community members, Dr. Janice Marie Collins created this poem, inspired and co-created by the mothers and families who shared their experiences losing their children to gun violence.
Last Night… the Story of Us … Today
They speak…
I lost a child…Armed robbery with a shot gun … my son
Covered by 1st Corinthians 14 1 through 4
Will he have to do more…than 3?
Answer…
Matthew 18 – 19…
She says Use What You Got
We got to keep the families connected
Somehow through all of the turmoil
My path was corrected
Leaving no one feeling neglected
37 years I shuttled the love – support – and prayers to the prison yards…
Because I’m larger than the institutions who did not provide…
this service…this ride….
Their failure created my Charge
And she has helped me drive for the past 15 years
Forget that stroke,
It too has passed
Because she’s still here
Her son was shot and wounded
A mother’s promise is born…
Because she had to find purpose for her pain
So her heart wouldn’t continuously be torn
Her son, and a girl, a friend … triple homicide
It is too brutal…to the point you initially say…someone Lied
I’m still perplexed… It doesn’t make sense
But praise God…someone saw me…the Face of Resilience.
Being your Authentic Self
Those who understand…and those who choose Not to understand
Does it really matter?
2 children killed, a 6-year-old survivor…now 16…I’d rather….
But, Wait…What does it all mean to me?
I don’t know.
All I can tell you is that the latching helps me keep my sanity
I say now I walk with a limp and Life won’t ever be the same…
But I refuse to see myself as someone who is Lame
Knowing God took their souls
So that I could be trusted and thrusted into my purpose
My survivor has grown…a new little one is on the way
There is no replacement but I still feel in a weird way, it was worth it…
There is Divine Order and we know, think, believe
That all of this is a Blessing
At the same time, we just don’t’ get it
All this mess…messin….mess…messing….
And then there is the only male child…killed in 1986
No one asked me what I needed, why was I now sick?
The emptiness I felt is now filled by me asking for others
Never to be left alone…like I was…loving them each and caring like fathers and
mothers
Out of the church…it’s too much for them… they do not belong…
Move on…Genesis …out of trauma …you are strong…
Bringing healing for children, having a stake in the game
Let your tears fall….as new things are grown and born…still, things are not the same
But they can be better…and for some of us it’s true…
When a mother cries…because something/someone dies…
But somehow some way, we make it through…
He talks about Mothers and women sitting here at the table…but breathes, takes a
breath, and tells His story, a story like a fable…
He said, I saw someone killed at 5 years old…just playing on the sidewalk…
living in shelters…that was my life
The trauma made me not want to talk…
Abandoned, bullied, I ran away to the streets,
Seeing my two friends kill each other over a needed fifty….
A face on a tee-shirt is no longer fashionable…
But the resilience and Calling on my life
Like others I survived the unfathomable…
A Mothers cry he says…forget 40 acres and a mule…
I’m talking about 40 Mothers … fueled by pain
Became my dream of purpose as I act out the rule….
That can’t nothing stop your purpose
And trouble doesn’t last always
But trauma lasts forever …
So we take one step at a time…
Day by day…by day
I’ve known violence since I was 6 she said…
A single mom, I pushed through
Creating Debras place, in your face devil,
For me and my God are Stronger than you…
None of us can stop, because we survived what was supposed to kill us
Like all good things come out of Gary
I notice she begins to Blush
Wait, she says … it’s been 3 years, my son was…I can’t say it…wait…
But he’s standing right here…next to me here…I feel him
Hello son…my surprise special date.
3 days after his first child was born
Can you hear me…can you hear what I’m sayin?
It’s been hard thinking about him…just layin…hmmm
I believe and know that the body may be gone from earth
But the soul is forever,
I’m trying to move past the pain to console,
I just can’t close what has been severed….
Until one day, I’ll remember to hold my granddaughter…
Because holding her is holding my precious son
His soul, his warmth, that still lives within her…
The healing is ongoing…and we’re still not done.
Come here…let me hold you/him/her, my son…
Thank you, you are here and it’s so good to know…
I will continue to try to move closer, I promise
But I miss him so…
Everyone is affected by the Grief and the Pain
And we already know that we’ll never be the same
And we already know that, sometimes, what we feel has no name
But here we are…
Surviving…for God only knows the promise of tomorrow
Each day trying to take away our sorrow
Hugging us, embracing us, even when we’re mad
Even sad…
But we cannot give up….
We haven’t given up…
This story of us…
Hold me up. Lift me up…never shutting me up…
Always there when I need you most
I feel once Strangers have now become Close
It is a moment, a special moment
That occurred on this special night…
The great thing about this healing process…
Through Mercy and Grace
We don’t always have to be right
But it is Our story…
That only we can tell
Genuinely True
Can you hear me? Hear us? We are Here….
Take a deep breath
Hold my hand
And let us push through…
This Phase
Readjust your Gaze
To a Better Place
At whatever Pace
The Future can still be made ANew
For your sufferings cannot compare to the Glory God has revealed within you…
In his Holy name,
I ask that You, Your life, Your Family, Your Endeavors be Blessed….
Just Believe and Hold on as much as you can
Until we all reach our Day of Rest
You are a Survivor
I want you to know and Feel this Inside
For the Blessings over your Life
You can Never Hide
So Stand Up and Rise Up!
It’s a Brand New Day
And Open up that GIFT of
Last Night… the Story of Us … Today
I love you….May God Richly Bless You….
Warmest of Hugs,
Janice Marie Collins
03/28/2025
This piece was written as a Gift from Dr. Janice Marie Collins to Tamara Winfrey Harris
and the Members of the Women’s Fund of Central Indiana, the Indianapolis Foundation,
special guests, members of other organizations and survivors, during the “What’s Left
Behind” documentary screening in Indianapolis.
